Session One
Why Doesn't Love Last?
BIBLE REFERENCES FOR SESSION ONE: BOOK OF PROVERBS FOR EXAMPLE, PROVERBS
5:15-23
SUMMARY: Session One is about a number of things, but it primarily centers
around the two following questions:
1.
How you
do you think love happens? What we believe about love is probably the beginning
place in all of this. If we believe wrong things (even if those wrong concepts
are wrapped up in our cultures most popular packages), then those false beliefs
will eventually collide with reality, and that family will have a crisis.
Couples in crisis have a choice. They can either believe something is fatally
flawed in one or both of them and that the marriage is a mistake, or they can
come to the conclusion that what they believe about love is wrong and choose to
change what they believe in order to save the relationship. This session is
intended to expose at least two of these wrong beliefs. (The next session is
intended to show a better way.)
a. A strong unshakable morality
b. Personal contentment and peace within themselves
c. The ability to generate their own joy and happiness
People who do not possess these traits normally believe that somehow a relationship
will magically provide wholeness to their life, and while they do not recognize
it, the thing missing is one or more of these essential elements. They tend to
be willing to trade love for whatever ails them. This crutch relationship is
often disguised and is difficult to spot, but the results are always the same.
When another person is unable to provide what their own life lacks, they often
blame their partner and become disillusioned and begin to spiral into a deep,
dark hole of depression, addictions, etc. Can someone become mature while in a
relationship? Absolutely! But,
they must recognize the problem for what it is and deal with it. While the
terms mature and immature may sound a bit harsh to us, far more blunt are the
biblical words normally used wise
and foolish (see the book of Proverbs). A fool will never do well in any
relationship. Often the marriage is blamed when, in fact, it is not a marriage
problem at all, it is simply time for the fool (or fools) to grow up!
Session One
Why Doesn't Love Last?
THOUGHT AND DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
Session One
1.
What caught your attention in this session? Were there any Wow, that makes sense! moments for you?
2.Have
you seen relationships that fit either of the first two patterns described by
Randy?
EROS: Ill love you if (and as long as) you meet my needs! or PHILIA: I love you because of . . .
Which one have you seen the most?
Are there popular movies or books that illustrate these ideas?
Did you come from a family that had some of these traits?
Have you been in a relationship that looked like one of them?
Are you worried that your present situation looks like either one of them?
Do you agree with Randy that these are wrong ideas?
If your relationship is based on one of these wrong ideas, are you willing to
change your ideas to something better?
3.Randy
strongly warned that it is easy for needy people to fall in love. He pointed
out that falling in love is often an attempt to solve our own problems in life.
Ask yourself:
Is there any chance that I am in this relationship because I am (or was)
running from the life I had? Am I in it because I am afraid of being alone?
Were there any selfish interests that played a role? What about my mate and
these things?
If you had to choose between the two, are you in this relationship because your
greatest need is to give love, or is your greatest need to be loved? What about
your mate?
What would worry you more; that you are not being responsible enough in giving
love, or that you are not being loved well enough?
4.If
being wise (mature) means someone has
a. An unshakable character
b. A personal contentment
c. And they have their own happiness/joy . . .
Would people describe you as wise?
Would wise people describe you as wise?
Do you believe you are wise?
Do you show the evidence of living wisely?
Do you think your personal immaturity contributes to any of the struggles you
may have in this relationship?
If you stub your toe in any type of relationship, what two flaws of yours are
ordinarily the cause?
Do others think of your mate as a wise person?
Does your mate believe he or she is wise?
Do you see your mate as wise?
How much do you think your mates personal immaturity contributes to any of the
struggles the two of you may have in this relationship?
5.What
caused you to fall in love with your mate:
We share so much in common (how will time affect this?).
Life just seemed to throw us together.
I admired the wholeness of their life.
It was a rescue operation he/she
really needed me!
It was a rescue operation I really
needed him/her!
I am not sure that I have ever loved my mate.
What do you think causes people to be in love with one another for a lifetime?
Why do you think people fail at it? What will make your relationship a success
story?