Session
Two
Staying In Love
BIBLE REFERENCES FOR SESSION TWO: GENESIS 2:22-24 MALACHI 2:13-16 MATTHEW 6:21,
19:1-9 EPHESIANS 5:22-33
SUMMARY: Session Two points out that a real love, one that grows and deepens through the years, requires two essentials:
The lets love one another for the rest of our lives kind of love is not childs
play. It requires a maturity that sets aside selfishness for the good of the
other person and of the marriage. It requires an active, full-scale commitment
both to the ideal of marriage and to the partner that I want to be in love with
the rest of my life. It is not doing everything my partner might wish, but it
is certainly doing everything I can that is right! Amazingly, it is only
through such a complete and total commitment that our love for anyone can
really last. The result is, we really do love them and we love them well.
For those of us who are Christian, the ability to make and keep such a
commitment flows out of our relationship with our Creator. Will our commitment
produce perfect marriages? Of course not, for our spouses ability to love is
contingent upon their own commitment, but be encouraged! Mates often learn from
one another how this love thing works.
While the desire to love is instinctive (something we were born with), the
ability to love is not! The ability to keep our commitments is dependent upon
having a strong, mature character. The words for someone who can really love
are strong words like noble, honorable, wise, mature, etc. While these may
sound archaic in our modern culture, the absence of these qualities explains
the merry-go-round of broken promises and dashed dreams within our homes. If
you are to keep the commitment to love, you must have the ability to forgive,
be resilient, be gentle even when angry, and the ability to speak honestly and thats just the short list! In other
words, it requires that we be grown up! Thankfully, there is on-the-job
training, but the foundation of these traits must be there.
Session Two
Staying in Love
THOUGHT AND DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
Session Two
1.
What caught your attention in this session? Were there any Wow, that makes sense to me! moments?
2.
Have you seen relationships that look like the healthy pattern Randy is describing?
- Where have you seen this kind of love? (Be specific)
- Are there popular movies or books that illustrate this idea?
- Did you come from a family that had this core trait?
- Is this AGAPE love at the core of your relationship? If not, why?
- Do you agree with Randy that this is the way love really works?
- Do you want this for your marriage?
- What stands in the way of your accepting this truth and living it out?
- Are you prepared and able to live sacrificially in carrying out your commitment to love your mate?
- Do you have the strength of character to do so?
3. Where and how are you currently investing your time, energy, resources, etc.? What does your behavior say about where your affections are? Are there changes needed?
4.
Randy pointed out that while there are people who are difficult to love, our feelings of love are primarily the product of our own behavior toward them. Do you believe that to be true? If it is true, then what are the implications?
5.
We seldom invent a new lifestyle for ourselves when we get married. In fact, we most often duplicate within our marriage the same kind of love we have been demonstrating to our parents, siblings, close friends, etc.
Examining your past and current relationships, what does that imply about your future? Looking around you, have you allowed hurt, bitterness, or anger to distance you from parents, siblings, or spouse? What about your mate?
- Do you have any pattern of giving up on family and friends?
- What do these relationships predict about your pattern with a mate? Are these patterns you want to continue?
6.
Which, if any, of the following are true about you?
- I am loyal to my friends, but don t cross me. It is hard for me to forgive.
- I am best at shallow or surface relationships because I don t share or open up much.
- Others probably work harder at being a good friend to me than I do toward them. I coast a lot.
- I exert a lot of energy in relationships, but it may be a means of buying their love. I get my feelings hurt often.
- I don t really care if I have friends or not, and I hate questions like this!
- For some reason, I am not treated very fairly; people often seem to ignore me or walk all over me.
- I have good intentions, but I don t seem to follow through very well.
- I like having my way!
7.
People who begin to withhold their investment in a mate normally do so because one of the following gets in the way:
a. Selfishness
b. Pride
c. Some level of hurt and bitterness
- Which of these has taken place within your marriage?
- Which one holds the greatest potential danger for you? (Which one for your mate?)
8.
The commitment to treat someone right does not mean we tolerate every choice they make. Some things are just flat wrong! (Abuse, lying, etc.) Do you have situations in your relationship now where real love would set boundaries?
- Do you see setting and holding boundaries as an act of love?
- Do you see how not setting boundaries can be unloving?
- Did you grow up in a home where boundaries were set, or one where they should have been?
- Do you know how to set boundaries?