Session Five
Finances, In-Laws, and Sex . . . How being wise matters
BIBLE REFERENCES FOR SESSION FIVE: I TIMOTHY 6:6-19 HEBREWS 13:4-6 PROVERBS 16:8, 17:1, 18:20-22, 21:13, 22:7 PROVERBS 16:20-24, 16:28, 16:32, 17:9 PROVERBS 19:18
Summary: The quality of a marriage is seldom established through great, dramatic moments. Far more often we define and frame our lives by being wise and considerate in the countless daily, dare we even say routine, items of life.
- It is OUR money. Anything that emphasizes my personal ownership robs our marriage of unity.
- Deal with finances together. You can either have a husband/ wife relationship or a parent/child relationship. The difference starts here.
- Work from a written budget, which provides a framework for shared decision making and helps avoid unintentional offenses.
- Avoid irresponsible surprises. The temptation is to buy our way out of emotional difficulties.
- Avoid debt. While there is good debt, bad debt will enslave your future.
- Be generous. Life is a lot more fun, and it is sure closer to the heart of God.
- Being fair. When one side is valued more than the other, nothing good comes from it.
- Living balanced. Love your family, spend time with them, but have your own family.
- Always speak well of your mate. Help your family think well of your mate.
- Bloodlines speak if hard things must be spoken. It is heard better and forgiveness comes easier!
- Acknowledge that you are and will be wired in very different ways from one another. Can you unselfishly love and meet needs that are different from yours?
- Satisfying sex primarily meets emotional needs. Sex is less about a physical drive and more about an emotional one.
- Tenderness and gentleness will still define passionate love. Our pornographic society has painted a false and artificial picture. From its influence, sex has primarily become a solo act that simply uses someone else to satisfy us. No wonder we stay so emotionally unsatisfied!
- Something wonderful and mysterious does occur. You may share many things mailboxes, closets, etc., but somehow it is in giving yourselves sexually to one another that unity of life is created.
While there was far too little time to do more than to briefly introduce the subject of children, the following observations were made.
- Children add to the depth of love in a family. They are a blessing.
- There is enough love for several children. There may be reasons for a small family, but not having enough love is not one of them.
- Give yourselves some time, but don t think everything must be perfect before you have children. Don t let money or careers be your master on when to have children.
- Watch and discuss how others parent. The two of you must parent with the same philosophy; establish that philosophy by watching great parents. Know your philosophy before you have children.
Session Five
Finances, In-Laws, and Sex . . . How being wise matters
THOUGHT AND DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
FINANCES:
1.
Were there any Wow, that makes sense to me! moments?
2.
As a single, did you handle money in wise ways?
- Were you self-disciplined with it?
- Were you generous?
- Did you have a good work ethic and earn it responsibly?
- How did you handle debt?
- Did you have a written budget? (Why or why not?)
- What was the best thing you did in your habits with money?
- Do you show signs of being excessively addicted to stuff ?
(Entertainment? Eating out? Anything else?)
- What in your character has changed?
- How about your mate? What were their patterns as a single?
- Can you honestly talk with your mate about money and spending habits?
- Does one or both of you get defensive if the other wants to talk about it?
- Are you using money to give yourself a sense of power or for the good of your marriage?
- Do you try to heal emotional longings or wounds with money?
- Do you try to buy love with it?
- Does the word budget scare you? Why or why not?
- Do you keep any secrets from your mate regarding money you spend?
- Are you comfortable with the concept that all the money is our money?
- How would your mate answer these questions?
- How would your mate answer these questions about you?
3. What would you like to change in your marriage concerning the handling of finances?
1. Were there any Wow, that makes sense to me! moments?
2. In what ways have you put your family, or your spouse s family, in an awkward position regarding your mate? Is your mate s reputation safe when you are speaking to your family? What about your mate and these same questions?
3. Are you personally taking an interest in your spouse s family? Does your mate take an interest in yours?
4. Are you being fair with how you spend time with family? Are there boundaries you need to set? Why?
5. Are either of you hurting your marriage by being too close to your family of origin?
6. Are there awkward issues that should be talked about with family now? Do you both agree it should be done? What is it doing to the two of you?
1. Were there any Wow, that makes sense to me! moments?
2. Why did Randy say that sex is much more about emotional needs than it is a physical drive? What does that say about satisfying sex?
3. This question is far too personal for group discussion! As a married individual, do I put my sexual wants above those of my mate s? Is sex in any way a power play in my home? Does your mate believe that you are trying to put their needs first? Do you believe your mate is trying to put your needs first?
4. Being involved sexually with each other prior to marriage is damaging. Do you understand why? Have you talked with your mate about it? If you crossed lines with your mate, have you honestly apologized and asked forgiveness?
5. If in your marriage the sexual life is not as it should be, would you be willing to talk to a Christian counselor or minister about it?
1. How were you raised? Is that how you want to parent? In specific, what do you want to do differently with your children? Do you like how your mate was parented? How does your mate feel about the way he/she was raised?
2. So, do the two of you see parenting alike? How flexible are each of you? How willing are you to parent as an us (not each doing his/her own thing)?
3. What is the right number of children for your home? When? What if God gave you a surprise?
4. Who are some parents that you watch and think you might want to learn from?